What am I DOING?

September 7, 2009 — Leave a comment

So, the awkward road of starting the halftime journey is in full force today.  I’m grappling between the “living in the world Teresa” and the “serving the Lord Teresa”.  I know that these should be one in the same, but honestly they are not.  I’m ashamed to say that the “world” is still winning and I’m not able to connect my work life with serving Him.  I am stuck in this rut, so I feel.  My identity is still all tied up with “worldly” things driving me to make decisions based on fear instead of faith.  So I ask myself, do I just take the plunge and let the chips fall where they may?  I’ve heard financial horror stories about making these hasty decisions but maybe that is what it’s going to take to shake me loose from these attachments and fears.  This feels like a dark post and for that I am sorry but I felt compelled to share it because I promised to be real and honest here.  Besides, no one said the first half transition would go without challenges.  And you know what, if I think this is challenging, I better do a gut check on what I am signing up for.  This path is not for the squeamish at heart and only the warriors will deliver so I better get my act together real quick 🙂

Make myself available to you, oh Lord.  Give me the will to change this course and let it be for you…all for you.
~ Amen

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